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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076844">tHat's WHat represSION IS?!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnmoon76/pseuds/Dawnmoon76'>Dawnmoon76</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>It all started with repression [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>? - Freeform, Amnesia, Childhood Memories, Creativity Split (Sanders Sides), Flashbacks, Gen, Memories, Morality | Patton Sanders Tries, Original Character(s), Parental Deceit | Janus Sanders, Post-Creativity Split (Sanders Sides), Pre-Canon, Pre-Creativity Split (Sanders Sides), Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Recovered Memories, Repressed Memories, but they're just past versions of the sides we know and love today, last one is on Janus, takes place present day but i jump backwards</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:16:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,708</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28076844</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dawnmoon76/pseuds/Dawnmoon76</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: In the beginning, the four sides lived together in harmony then, everything changed when the twins were created. </p><p>or</p><p>Originally there were only four sides but Morality takes gold in repression and the “Morality splits King Creativity” trope happened and surprisingly Virgil is the one that ties everything together. Present-day and they're wondering if they can form King Creativity again. And Virgil proves to know more than anyone thought.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders &amp; Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders &amp; Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>It all started with repression [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2056860</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Heads up! I think this chapter is a little exposition-y (maybe a bit confusing?) but nonetheless interesting. There will be more character interaction next chapter (which should be up shortly (day or two)). </p><p>If I'm still writing/adding to this when Orange gets revealed I probably won't add him in since I would have to restructure basically everything to fit him in (unless he, I don't know, happens to slid in <i>perfectly</i> but I'm doubtful about that). </p><p>If there any unbearably confusing bits that impact your ability to understand this chapter please let me know so I can try to clarify so it's more enjoyable! As the author, I know all the relationships and such and I can be blind to the fact that some of them aren't clear in the fic.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things were...okay in the mindscape. Janus was seen around the common area more, Remus was...well his influence was seen more than he was at first. He tended to leave little piles of gore for the others to either step in or lean their hand or elbow on. Being Intrusive Thoughts, Remus preferred to stay away so that he <em>could</em> be intrusive. Because how can you be intrusive if you live there?</p><p>But then he started following Janus to the common area so he could also be found sprawled across the couch. The first time Roman walked into his twin <em>silently</em> sitting on the couch he narrowed his eyes in suspicion. He wasn't even really moving. Remus was never still. Then he registered the sketchbook Remus was scribbling into and caught a glimpse of...<em>exemplary</em> art. Roman was stunned.</p><p>He <em>knew</em> Remus was also Creativity. But he just couldn't reconcile the messy, restless side with something that required so much patience and fine detail. Remus looked <em>relaxed</em>. Roman never had the patience to actually draw, sure he scribbled the Mona Lisa out with crayons but that was at least partially done with conjuring ability. Remus looked like he was actually <em>physically</em> drawing.</p><p>It was why he liked acting and singing. It was immediately gratifying <em>and</em> he had the opportunity to see the audience reactions (he liked doing things live, hence theater, but the comments on videos and songs were also worthwhile). But with art, he had to work so much before anyone would see it. And it just...sat there. Awe would wear off and it would become background noise. At least in theater, it was ongoing and from one performance to the next he could change things. Add new embellishments to his tone or movements.</p><p>They were practically the same side, they were <em>twins</em>, shouldn't they be identical in almost everything? How was Remus so much better than him at art?</p><p>Roman slunk back to his room as his thoughts ran away from him. He doesn't even really <em>remember</em> being one side with Remus. So why does he want to try again? Be who they used to be? If Thomas was the one to split them could his increasing acceptance...er, tolerance of Remus mean that maybe...?</p><p>He just wants to know what he's missing, what <em>Thomas</em> is missing from them being split, surely separating meant that things were diluted. He found that he had blocks to his power in the Imagination as he could only create so much before he ran out of his part of the creative energy. Which was <em>absurd</em> since imagination was supposedly <em>limitless</em>. He didn't know why Remus was willing to just...summon whatever whenever. He made so many things in his one episode than Roman ever dared. Being outside of Thomas's head made it more difficult which is why he dragged everyone to the mind palace for the one-act plays on lying. Remus was probably knocked out for a while afterward.</p><p>He entered the Imagination and felt the energy spark across his fingertips and fade into his palm. He mindlessly flexed his hands to dismiss the electric pins and needles. He always seemed to get a boost from the Imagination unless Thomas himself was tired.</p><p>The Imagination partially had a will of its own but was easily sculpted by the Creativities. Apparently, Janus could dismiss things and a limited ability to conjure. Virgil, weirdly, could conjure a lot of things, most tended towards pessimistic based things (say he wanted to conjure a cat, he might end up with an aggressive one that attacked when approached) but he could also just...conjure things that weren't the worst-case scenario and Roman did not understand that at all. Virgil had to concentrate a little more and it felt like he was hiding something when he explained he just had to "think it through more". With him being Anxiety it really shouldn't be possible, the Imagination dealt more with what power they had not really what they <em>thought</em>.</p><p>Logan struggled immensely with conjuring but could summon things (the difference here is that one is just...<em>made</em> from nothing. Summoning meant that it had been laying around the mind palace and was teleported). And Patton...weirdly enough Patton couldn't really do more than he could outside of the Imagination. Everyone else saw an increase in either range or amount of things conjured but not Patton. He was still scratching his head over that one.</p><p>Roman looked towards the castle in the distance. It was the one part of the Imagination that neither he nor Remus could access. It was an incredible fortress that looked like a real-world castle. Unlike his own Disney-esque palace. The castle in the distance was bland stone and the area around it looked like someone dimmed the brightness on a phone. There were scraps of what might have been banners or flags that sometimes swayed from flagpoles or fluttered against the outer wall. Sometimes it was just on a hill that he could never approach no matter how long he moved towards it. Sometimes it was on a cloud that always moved away.</p><p>He was certain that it belonged to who he and Remus had been before. He didn't know why the more powerful version of himself would go so...realistic with his castle but he desperately wanted to see inside. Had it changed from long ago? Or was it a time capsule? Would original him recognize it?</p><p>He watched the castle, currently on a cloud, as other clouds moved around it. The other sides can't see it for some reason and Roman never dares mention it. Patton would undoubtedly want to try to help him reach it but he knew there was no way. Patton meant well but ultimately it would just be painful for Roman. Remus can see it, it wouldn't make sense if he couldn't. He knows because sometimes he can see Remus high up in a tree staring wistfully at it.</p><p>The Imagination itself was split between them, a sort of no man's land marking the boundary. It included a river that, after reading Percy Jackson, looked like the Styx. The water itself could change color, sometimes a dull rusted red or an endless gray. Shapes floated in the water but it was impossible to really discern what they ought to be, any observers eyes slid away no matter how hard they tried to focus. Neither he nor Remus knew where the river started but it flowed towards the castle in the distance.</p><p>Trying to touch or swim in the water just resulted in it going <em>through</em> you. If you jumped in, it acted like water before you found yourself standing next to it again. The others knew of it but something seemed to make it slip their mind. They never asked about it but also were never surprised when they saw it or when it was mentioned.</p><p>Roman looked past the river to his brother's side. It was mirrored, so from his vantage point, he could see the back of Remus's castle, a rather stereotypical dark and crumbling aesthetic, surrounded by thorns and never-ceasing fog that gathered at its base. There was a wide field that led into a creepy forest.</p><p>His own palace seemed flat to him at the moment. It was too saturated, too bright. It was everything the castle in the distance was not. Something made him look back towards Remus's side. His brother was looking at him, frowning, appearing far more serious than Roman ever sees him. It looked like he just walked out of the forest and was only a few yards away from the treeline, his morning star perched on his shoulder. They watched one another for a couple of beats before Remus looked away to gaze sadly at the castle. His shoulders fell and Remus let his morning star slide off to dangle by his side. He shook his head before vanishing. Roman doesn't know what to think of that.</p>
<hr/><p>Remus barging into his room wasn't really odd these days. Virgil just shifted so that one ear was uncovered from his headphones and clicked the volume down slightly.</p><p>"What's up, dude?" Then he looked up. Remus looked <em>miserable</em>, like, achingly sad. And it wasn't for show. He only really knew one thing that made Remus actually sad-thinking about who he and Roman used to be. They had dubbed him "the King" to keep with the theme and for ease of referencing. It also seemed to help Remus think of the King as something 'other'. Something that he was never a part of. But sometimes...sometimes Remus just can't shake the ache in his chest that he's missing something.</p><p>Virgil isn't completely sure why Remus comes to <em>him</em>. He has his guesses, but he can't be sure of Remus's motivations.</p><p>Remus doesn't know why, when he feels like this, going to Virgil makes him feel better. They don't even talk, he just lays next to or partially on Virgil, and the other side just...firmly splays a hand on his back. Usually just scrolling on his phone with the other hand while Remus stares off into the distance waiting for the ache to disappear. A lot of the time he ends up falling asleep, the rest of the time he pulls his legs in and rolls a little more onto his side where Virgil would hand him something to fiddle with. The hand on his back no longer applies pressure (it doesn't need to) so it ends up fidgeting with something on his clothes, or the phone switches hands and Virgil twirls some of Remus's hair absentmindedly.</p><p>After the first few times, they never spoke of it. Remus would later give Virgil some sort of thank you gift, a normal non-traumatizing gift which made it even more meaningful. Virgil's bookshelf was more of a snack and electronics storage self, but he saved a shelf for decoration which has slowly just become a shelf to hold Remus's gifts (both for this situation and others). Some were cool fidget toys, others were little origami things, among his favorites were some drawings.</p><p>There was one he kept in the bathroom so that no one that just wandered into his room could see it but he could still appreciate it. Remus had said he wasn't sure why he drew it or where the inspiration came from but shrugged it off as overthinking. But Virgil knew. The drawing was looking up at a person from a child's perspective. The person was standing tall, arm raised and gripping the wrist of someone not drawn, holding it up and away. The facial expression wasn't entirely clear due to the angle but the snarl of the lips was obvious. Child's hands gripped the person's pants, the loose fabric behind the knee tightly, desperately grasped. Another hand was lightly touching the child's wrist, trying to coax the child away from the violence. He was the person, or he had been.</p><p>There was a time where there were only four sides. Conscience, Imagination, Curiosity, and Forethought. Conscience took a part of himself and created a new side and soon after he split Imagination into the two Creativities. Conscience didn't like the Creativity that would grow up into Remus. Forethought, who was also technically Fight or Flight, stepped in. The side that had been created out of Conscience took Creativity to safety.</p><p>The split in Imagination had wide-reaching immediate and obvious impacts. The Imagination, the place that Roman and Remus do some of their work, not the side, was created. Accessible early on only to Creativity. But something else became apparent as time moved on. Creativity, the one to grow up into Roman, was influencing Thomas more. Thomas didn't have as much time to indulge Curiosity as he focused on theater and music.</p><p>Curiosity lost a part of himself in the form of Confidence. Now Confidence wasn't directly <em>Thomas's</em> confidence. He had been the reason Curiosity was listened to. "Confidence" meant "self-trust". And in the context of them being projections of a person meant that whichever side Confidence aligned himself with was trusted and listened to by Thomas. Curiosity was almost <em>always</em> listened to and was only talked down if Conscience reminded Thomas that it wouldn't be socially acceptable to pester that man about his missing fingers and cane.</p><p>But as they developed Confidence was drawn out of Curiosity, but Confidence wasn't meant to be a side in his own right. He didn't influence Thomas like the others, he influenced which side influenced Thomas.</p><p>Conscience, after he created a side out of himself was now Morality and Repression, the latter taking care of anything Morality didn't want to even think about. Confidence didn't know why Repression could be his own person. Weren't they both just less than half a side? At least the twins were halved, not perfectly, but they were approximately equal overall. Perhaps because Repression's job was complicated and needed an actual side? Didn't he just influence what could influence Thomas? Or could Repression influence Thomas directly?</p><p>He fused with Creativity-to-be-Roman. Before he was fully integrated Forethought pulled him out. Confidence's ability manifested itself as almost...narcissism in Creativity-to-be-Roman. He didn't dare try Creativity-to-be-Remus in case it turned out similarly. The fluidity and transience of Morality and his emotions made that match incompatible (his highs and lows would consume Thomas and wear down his ability to regulate his emotions). Repression was now Deceit (and that certainly explained why he got to be his own side) and Confidence just knew that would be a bad idea. Thomas believing he could lie so well to get away with <em>anything</em>? No, he was not going to allow it. That left Forethought, who was morphing slowly but it was unclear as to what exactly was happening, and Curiosity. While Curiosity was, well, not as driven. He still had his moments but they were dulled. He was now Logic or an early version of Logic.</p><p>That left Forethought. It wasn't a bad idea really. Forethought, he, well he thought through things. He thought about scenarios and how they could go. He thought about how to react to situations (and was why he held Fight or Flight as well). Since the Creativities split, Forethought worked less with Curiosity as he helped protect Creativity-to-be-Remus by shadowing Morality. Something about Remus's creation was not a good influence on Forethought who more often than not nowadays tended towards pessimism and Flight. Confidence asked Forethought if they could...and should fuse. He was destabilizing and if he didn't pass on his function to someone else Thomas would have no self-confidence at all, no motivation to do anything at all (Logic had interrogated, for lack of a better word, him about why he was Confidence and not Motivation. He wasn't <em>why</em> Thomas did something. He was just the reason Thomas didn't doubt himself out of doing things. Motivation was spread between the other sides he supposed.)</p><p>Confidence would remember the flash in Forethought's eyes, the hesitation as he agreed. Confidence attempted to backpedal, tried to say it was okay that he would hold on as long as he could until Logic could take him back. Forethought had shaken his head firmly, "I'm not a fan of the possible outcomes, but any of them would be better than letting you disappear completely."</p><p>Forethought could think about the future of any event. Related to the outside world he was limited in his ability which was why he liked to work with Curiosity who knew so many things. That was another reason Confidence wanted to fuse with Forethought. They had already worked together in the past.</p><p>In the mindscape (as the palace would not really form for a while yet they lived in some sort of extension of the Imagination ever since it was created), Forethought had tremendous access to a lot of information. And he must have had <em>something</em> that told him possible outcomes because some of the things were situations not even the original Imagination could conceive. So when Forethought told him that the possible outcomes of them fusing were <em>all</em> better than him disappearing he felt at peace with his decision. Especially since Forethought didn't propose he fuse with any other side. A Forethought and Confidence fusion had the largest number of acceptable outcomes than any other fusion. Other fusions had better <em>individual</em> outcomes but Forethought hadn't been willing to take the chance.</p><p>For a while everything had been fine, Thomas became a little more decisive and confident in his plan of actions but then Morality started questioning whether they were the <em>right</em> actions, condemning Forethought's choices. Forethought held Confidence now, he had the priority when it came to Thomas listening to them. In response to Morality, Forethought himself became more indecisive. He started to think things through <em>even more</em>, which was frighteningly impressive given that he was the side that already thought through things more than the others.</p><p>It didn't take long between Morality and middle school bullies to change Forethought into Anxiety. He didn't split, he didn't lose pieces of himself, but how he carried out his function changed. This now meant Confidence was tied to Anxiety. Even without Confidence, Anxiety probably would have been able to force his way into being listened to. But with Confidence, he didn't know how <em>not</em> to be listened to.</p><p>Everyone had been helpless in the mindscape as the side who had Confidence started to fall apart right in front of them. Morality realized his hand in it and tried to be nicer. Tried to be less critical. This only made Anxiety more suspicious and he refused to believe Morality. Who ended up almost overly supportive and happy in an attempt to influence Thomas.</p><p>Anxiety, in a moment of calm, realized the harm he was doing to Thomas. He was exhausted but dragged himself to Deceit, who was still more Repression than anything but changed his title to hide his real function. (After all, it was easier to keep things repressed if no one knew they were being repressed in the first place. And nothing was more of a giveaway than literally being named Repression.) But Anxiety still had strong memories of being Forethought. He still remembered Repression, even if no one else did. He begged to be hidden, to be stopped. He didn't want to hurt Thomas, who was overthinking and worried about everything at this point that he wasn't enjoying life anymore.</p><p>Repression-Deceit shook his head sadly, Anxiety had too much power from Thomas himself for him to do anything. Thomas used lies to cover up anxiety (<em>"Everything will be okay. It'll be fine"</em>). Deceit could only ever talk <em>against</em> Anxiety. He couldn't dull Anxiety's influence like he could with Remus, who had <em>delighted</em> in angering his twin by theming his name after Roman's. (When they had chosen their names when Anxiety had still been Forethought, he didn't have the heart to tell them they both chose their names based on the name Imagination had been thinking for himself-Romulus.)</p><p>Remus could be hidden, if only because he had an equal that did (most of) the function needing to be filled. Anxiety had no one to fill his functions. "Even if you're Anxiety right now, you still <em>are</em> Forethought. You haven't split. So <em>think</em>." Deceit had told him. And he did. He thought about it. No Anxiety would be a good thing, right? He would stop sending Thomas into panic attacks. He would stop distracting him with worrying thoughts so that he could actually do his homework or sleep or be productive in literally <em>any</em> way. And then he remembered-he held Confidence. If Anxiety was hidden away, then it would be just like if Confidence had disappeared all those years ago. Anxiety was stuck. Anxiety needed a plan.</p><p>He moved closer to Deceit so that Deceit could help counter him easier. He talked less, which made it easier for the sides not holding Confidence to be heard. It wasn't perfect. Not by a long shot. But, in the real world, Thomas was truly feeling less anxiety even though Anxiety hadn't changed form at all (well, he appeared younger but the substance of him didn't change).</p><p>There was at least one good thing from moving closer to Deceit and away from the others: Remus seemed to have a vague memory of Forethought protecting him, and thus...imprinted on him? They had never really interacted after that incident which happened moments after Imagination split. He was surprised Remus remembered. Any of Remus's influence on Forethought had been indirect. Forethought pulled from a pool of information that the others contributed to (unknowingly) and he just kept pulling Remus's. When they were physically interacting, when Remus was told to stay away from certain topics, he did try. Remus just <em>felt</em> something towards Anxiety but he had no idea why. Remus had never met him before. But there was <em>something</em> and that something meant that he felt like he should be...well he didn't know what he should be feeling but he knew what he <em>shouldn't</em> do in order to, at the very least, express the unknown feeling.</p><p>The six sides then sorta...settled for awhile. Thomas started making content, pulling at Anxiety's function, and making him stronger. Roman got stronger and Morality (who was almost settled on a name) got even more supportive. Logic (who only chose a name because Morality would not leave him alone, and not because he felt like less of a side and thought a name would fill the void) just sorta...existed. He ended up on the "light" side mostly because of who he had been (Morality refused to accept he was no longer Curiosity even if he went along with the title change).</p><p>Then Janus (who was actually named by Remus) was revealed and then Remus was let loose and now they were all more or less getting along.</p><p>He knew Remus missed being Imagination. He also discovered over the years, through observing the twins and comparing their behavior to Imagination, that they were not split equally in all things. They weren't split "black and white"; they were split "black/grey and white". Remus actually held a lot of the creative energy because Roman <em>couldn't</em>. Roman was created as the perfect half, the half was loved by all and unproblematic. That meant that any <em>slightly</em>, or partially, controversial or problematic thing was automatically under the purview of Remus.</p><p>Roman was an actor and a performer. Remus was an artist. Roman wanted the spotlight. Remus was more than willing to slip his contributions through anonymously (this was probably influenced by Deceit's favored way of doing things). They weren't just the "good" and "bad" versions of the same exact person. They didn't individually have all the skills Imagination had. Imagination's skills were sorted between them, only some of them were split to varying degrees. (Some seem to be missing but Virgil assumed those had just gotten diluted and overshadowed by other skills.)</p><p>Virgil wondered if a re-fusion was possible. Confidence couldn't return to Logic back then. And he doubted it was at all possible for Janus and Patton to go back together (considering Janus's hatred for the original Morality he had no reason to want to re-fuse). And the twins had been separated for so long...would they even form Imagination or had they grown too independent?</p><p>He plucked at the bunched up material of Remus's shirt as the other laid his head on his lap. He had given him a sort of brain teaser puzzle where the objective seemed impossible with the given construction. Virgil was watching videos on his phone and keeping an eye on the time so that he might be able to convince Remus to eat dinner.</p><p>"He was staring again."</p><p>Virgil paused the video and rested his headphones around his neck, "Hm? Who was staring? At what?"</p><p>Remus stayed quiet. He knew that only he and Roman could see the castle in the distance. It called to him but he could never actually reach it.</p><p>"Do you remember when I told you about the castle far away?" Remus remained where he was, fingers slowly turning the puzzle around.</p><p>Virgil thought back. "When I told you I couldn't see it you claimed it was because I was too uncool and that if I ever found the castle I would be taken prisoner forever and ever."</p><p>If he wasn't laying down Remus would have shaken his head. The language was almost childish, but they had been teenagers? probably? Anxiety had just been formed and kicked off into his and Janus's part of the mind palace. He had been ecstatic to have a new friend, even if the other teenager felt like an old soul in a young body who barely ever spoke. Something endeared Anxiety to him right away.</p><p>He had panicked when Anxiety had told him that he couldn't see the castle so he pretended he was blurting out one of his many random thoughts. "The castle is real...well, as real as any of us. Only Roman and I can see it for some reason. No matter how far we travel we can't reach the castle. Whenever I look at it I just...I desperately want to return. I feel like something important is there. I look at it and I feel like something is missing." Remus was quiet for a moment before whispering, "I want to know what I'm missing."</p><p>Virgil swept his thumb back and forth where his hand rested on the other's arm. He bit his lip. Did he tell Remus? Or does he try to get Remus and Roman together again so they could potentially feel it for themselves? Would Remus believe him? He has Forethought's memory, technically he was still the same Forethought, he didn't really shift like Logan ended up doing. But almost everyone only knew him as Anxiety, as the last of the sides to come into being before the six of them settled.</p><p>Deceit, who was <em>almost</em> the same person that Repression used to be (Deceit grew <em>out</em> of Repression. He held a piece of Repression like Virgil held Confidence.) knew more. Patton has seemed to have entirely forgotten their origins. Neither Roman nor Remus can remember much, if anything, of the immediate time either side of their split. And they only had impressions or flashes of things from their time as Imagination. He wasn't sure about Logan. Logan hadn't really been split nor he is really that different from Curiosity. He shifted though, his function changed. How much did the logical side remember of their past? Was Virgil the only one to truly remembers because of his abilities as Foresight? (A title that started to feel far more comfortable than it has in a long time. When he thinks about it, there are possibilities with him sort of morphing into his original form but he tried not to dwell on it.)</p><p>"Virge?" Remus's voice was quiet and insecure. Virgil had been silent too long.</p><p>He didn't know what he was going to say until he said it, "I could tell you." Both of them froze before Remus sat up so he could turn to look wide-eyed at Virgil. "I-I," Virgil didn't know where to start to explain himself.</p><p>Remus went from vulnerable shock to anger as he pushed off the bed to stand, "I thought you'd be serious about this!" Remus spun back around, eyes blazing. Virgil scrambled off the bed after him.</p><p>"I am serious!" He knew what it sounded like. Here Remus was, going through something so all-consuming, and he tells him that he knows. Him, Anxiety, the youngest of all the sides knows what it was like before he was even created.</p><p>"How would you know what I'm missing!? How would you know why my chest feels likes it's been hollowed out and filled with mercury!?" Remus yelled, hands balled but down at his sides. All his muscles are tensed in order to keep from stalking forward and shaking the other side by the throat. Doesn't Virgil see how much he <em>tries</em>? He tries <em>so hard</em> to be nice to Virgil to not make him panic. Virgil was the <em>only</em> side he did this for and he didn't even know <em>why</em>. His hands came up to yank at his hair.</p><p>"I was there!" Virgil swung an arm out like the time he was referring to was sitting next to them.</p><p>"No, you-"</p><p>"I existed before I was Anxiety!" Remus's mouth clicked shut. He...but didn't...sides weren't...they didn't exist before their current forms. "Remus" didn't exist until he was made when the King was split. Janus said he didn't have any memory before being who he currently was, and Janus didn't lie to him about things like that. His grip loosened in his confusion.</p><p>"Wh-no, what? I mean I did too as the King but <em>I</em> didn't exist, that's not how it works." Remus shook his head, scrubbing his hands through his hair.</p><p>"Not all the sides were created the same way," Virgil said softly.</p><p>"Janus doesn't remember anything either. Two against one. I don't believe you." Remus couldn't think of why Virgil was doing this to him. He never tormented Virgil. He <em>tries so hard</em> not to hurt Virgil. His introductory episode to the audience <em>killed</em> him inside. He didn't want to distress Virgil. Virgil had been trying so hard to lessen his impact as Anxiety on Thomas. Remus knew he was bad for that progress. It was why he didn't fight for Virgil to stay with them when he left for the light sides.</p><p>"There are six of us," Virgil firmly reminded before he softened, "Two of the six of us were created the way you were. You and Roman. Janus was an incomplete split that eventually gained more functions. Logan is practically the same side he used to be. I <em>am</em> the same side I used to be. What I did change," Virgil shook his head, "I had lost sight of what I was supposed to be doing. My title changed to Anxiety and for a time that was accurate, but it's starting to change back. I'm not really Anxiety anymore."</p><p>"...who," Remus swallowed, "Who were you?"</p><p>Virgil's eyes usually seem dimmed, like the light was just never able to reach them. But when he looked into Remus's eyes they were the clearest and brightest he had ever seen them. There was clarity there that Remus didn't know Virgil had been missing.</p><p>Virgil, calmly, met his gaze, "I'm Forethought."</p><p>
  <em>"Forethought!" Two voices yelled, one in anger and one in concern.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Get him out of here, Repression!" He was looking up at a side who was holding another's wrist in a tight grip. Fear washed over him as he clutched a pant leg.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No! He's bad! He can't be here!" The side in Forethought's grasp yelled.</em>
</p><p><em>Another person was at his side, kneeling in Forethought's shadow and touching his wrist to get his attention. A younger Janus stared back at him. "C'mon, Creativity, we need to go." Younger Janus whispered frantically, a tone he has never heard from older Janus. This Janus was </em>scared <em>he realized.</em></p><p>
  <em>"He's not Creativity! He is!" Forethought still had not let go of the other side. The other one gestured angrily behind himself where another side lay unconscious in a third's arms. Why was he asleep? Why were they the only two who looked so much younger than the others? What was happening?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Creativity, dear, look at me." Young Janus requested, he did so, if only to look away from the despair in the stranger's eyes who held the unconscious one and to avoid the malice from the angry one. "Honey, it's going to be alright, but I need you to come with me." Young Janus tugged lightly at the hand holding the pant leg.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Go with Repression, Creativity. He can keep you safe." Forethought said, staring hard at the other. He didn't know how he got here. He didn't know what was going on, why was that side so angry? What was Forethought protecting him from? Who was the other child? Was he okay? Why couldn't he remember anything?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He let Repression, as he assumed that was who young Janus was, tug his hand away and pick him up. As he gained height he could see Forethought's face better. They all looked like Thomas in the mindscape and thus they all looked the same except, somehow, he knew that the side in front of him, Forethought <strong>was the same as his Virgil</strong>.</em>
</p><p>Remus blinked rapidly as the memory zipped through his consciousness. "You..." with his current set of memories he could piece together what had happened. The other child was <em>Roman</em>. That was the moment they split, or soon after it. <em>And Virgil was there.</em></p><p>"Remus?" Virgil was hunched into his hoodie, looking guilty and scared.</p><p>"You had Janus take me away. You're the figure in that drawing I gave you." Neither sentence was a question but Virgil nodded meekly anyway. Remus swallowed, trying to get his voice to cooperate, "Who were the other two. I saw the memory. Who was holding Roman? Who were you restraining?"</p><p>Virgil looked surprised that he knew those details but gathered himself enough to answer. "Curiosity held Roman. I was preventing Morality who, until just a few days prior, was Conscience from grabbing you."</p><p>"Patton?!" Remus would never think Patton would have ever been able to do anything harmful towards a child.</p><p>Virgil shook his head, "Not technically. It was so long ago that he's gone through a couple of shifts since then. He doesn't remember nor is he the same as he was. The...version of Morality before Patton was part of the reason why I became Anxiety." He hesitated, "I think he might be going through one now, or at least some sort of morph."</p><p>Remus sat down. Virgil awkward stood before slowing crouching and then sitting to lean against the bed. "What makes his 'shifts' different from you becoming Anxiety?" Virgil flinched, nervously rubbing his hands together.</p><p>"Original Morality, Conscience, was very concerned with right from wrong. He couldn't handle thinking about any bad things. He pushed away any thoughts he didn't like. He ended up pushing so hard he created Repression-"</p><p>"Janus."</p><p>Virgil nodded, "Janus." He thought for a second, "Repression took charge of everything under Conscience's domain that Conscience didn't want. He locked them away, out of sight. In a short amount of time, he became more independent and pulled away from Conscience, now Morality. Morality got what he wanted. He had the "good" Creativity and he didn't have any distressing thoughts. Roman gained more influence over Thomas and Morality turned his attention to support Roman. He even, for a time, forgot that Roman wasn't always there, he forgot about the King."</p><p>Remus looked up at the epithet. "What was his title? I've never felt that 'Creativity' fit him."</p><p>Virgil smiled softly like he was remembering a fond memory, "Imagination."</p><p>"You still haven't gotten to the part that makes you different, why you remember when Patton doesn't."</p><p>"He then changed into holding more emotions and became the second version of himself shifting some of his function onto Janus, and you partially. There were a lot of little changes that didn't make him shift but nonetheless changed him. His last shift, the one that put him on the path to maturing into Patton, happened right before I became Anxiety. I don't know how to explain it really, he's different. I guess you could say his function changed. Mine never did, I just fulfilled it differently. Because what is anxiety but negative, exaggerated, and probably false, forethought?"</p><p>"Why didn't you say something earlier?" When Virgil had been Anxiety that wore all black. When the three of them hung out together because they were excluded? Why not when he laid across his lap like he did today?</p><p>Virgil shrugged pitifully, "I talked myself out of it." Virgil shrunk into himself. "I tried to ignore it. But Anxiety's own anxiety talked him out of it." He let out a sharp self-deprecating laugh. "I'm sorry, Remus. I really am."</p><p>Remus stared at the ground trying to figure out how he felt about it. "Your apology has been received, please wait one to two business days as we process your request." Remus smiled at Virgil's surprised laugh. "But seriously, I don't think I'm mad at you." Virgil's shoulders slumped with relief. "But if you wanted to make it up to me..." Wide eyes met his, "Tell me about him?" He scooted forward.</p><p>Virgil smiled, "He was a jerk but he wasn't the absolute worst to be around..."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So! That was probably a lot of information thrown at you, sorry about that. There will be a second chapter to follow that hopefully clears things up. I do plan on doing a supplementary sort of fic (which will be in the same series) where it might be a combination of actual fic and just sorta explanatory things. I do want to have more pre-canon interactions not in the form of flashbacks. There will still be some in the form of flashbacks just because they fit best with this fic's narrative. But off-topic ones will go into their own thing.</p><p>I WILL be adding more Logan in. His backstory will be fleshed out more in chapter three or four! I feel bad bc most of my Sander Sides fics (that I never end up posting whoops) Logan ends up being pushed off to the side but I actually really like Logan. So I definitely want to add him when I can plot-wise, I just needed to set everything up this chapter. </p><p>The one thing I do want to make abundantly clear right now is that the Morality mentioned that split Roman and Remus <i>is not</i> the same Morality as Patton. When sides go through "shifts" they basically become entirely new sides that result in memory loss of being the previous side. "Morphing" is just like...a makeover? </p><p>I'll write out the series of titles that each side held on their way to becoming the current known six in the end note of the next chapter (and/or in a supplementary fic). </p><p>If you all wouldn't mind holding any questions until after Chapter two? Some may be answered there. After that feel free to ask questions and I'll either answer in comments or in another chapter.</p><p>Don't be afraid to leave a comment! (I saw this on another fic and figured it might be nice to offer: Usually, I try to respond to comments but, if for <i>any</i> reason you don't want me to then...hm, leave two x's at the end of your comment ("xx"))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! More than "a day or two" but if you know me as an author, I'm just like that. I try not to be but eh, work in progress (like most of my fics oop). This one is definitely shorter but I think where I ended it was the perfect stopping point. Future chapters will likely be shorter than the first anyway (it obviously depends and varies but 1-2k I feel is my usual with 2-4k not uncommon).</p>
<p>Please leave some time for me to sort out chapter three. I started writing this whole fic with one plot in mind but the characters are running away from me and creating their own. I think I need to slow down so I can include my original plot (which I think may fit inside the one the characters are creating?). I have a chunk of the Logan-centric chapter done, but it might be pushed off until I've weaved in my original plot better. </p>
<p>Hopefully, the third chapter comes out in a timely manner. I do also want to work on <i>Hey, Babe</i> and <i>Seven for a Secret</i> too so I'm gonna see if I can't make some sort of schedule so I'm not floating aimlessly in between tasks.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman watched Remus bounce into the room. He seemed...lighter? Happier? It wasn't even his usual manic glee.</p>
<p>Janus looked up from where he was reading on the couch, Roman was sitting at the dining table blearily trying to keep his nose out of his coffee. He had stayed in the Imagination practically all night. Collapsing into bed a little over an hour before Thomas was going to wake up. Of course, he could sleep when Thomas wasn't, it wasn't not done. Thomas wouldn't be completely without ideas without him, he has a few stored away that Thomas could pull from. Plus Joan would be there, they could help Thomas pinball ideas. But he would feel bad letting Thomas need to lean on Joan. If he were awake maybe he could help at least a little. He hoped the coffee worked soon.</p>
<p>Janus's eyebrows drew together and it appeared he was also confused about Remus's behavior. Remus's hands were behind his back, Virgil trailed down the stairs after him, somehow looking more zombie-like than he usually did in the morning. What was going on around here? Next thing you'll know Logan will start giving out free hugs (the side was fine with and even craved physical contact but had no idea how to initiate it).</p>
<p>Remus bounced on his toes in front of Janus who glanced at his page number before setting the book aside. He still wasn't used to the weird parental relationship Janus had towards Remus. Janus alternates between patient mother, encouraging father, and wine aunt, and Roman just does not get it. Like yeah, Patton is "dad" but in the dad friend kind of way that sometimes edges into actual dad whenever Virgil was involved. Janus actually seemed...<em>motherly</em>.</p>
<p>Remus's bouncing turned a little more nervous as he chewed his lip. Virgil wordlessly came up behind Remus and brushed his fingertips across a shoulder as he walked past, wisps of purple floating off his fingers as he lifted them away, Remus settling a little more. (It was rare that Virgil took someone else's anxiety away, mostly because the other sides didn't really get anxious). Instead of doing what he normally did in the morning (inhaling two cups of coffee before cradling the third one for warmth), Virgil stopped to stand in Logan's usual spot in the real world and lean against the banister.</p>
<p>Remus silently held out the sketchbook he had been hiding behind his back. Janus took it, examining the scuffed up cover.</p>
<p>Remus, for whatever reason, seemed unable to talk. Roman's skepticism was starting to turn to concern. He was still working through how he felt about Remus. They hadn't <em>really</em> interacted much before. But he was starting to realize that he hated an <em>idea</em> of Remus that he had built up in his head. The real Remus was far more...palatable, but still a little <em>too much</em> half the time.</p>
<p>"Most recent page, Reep," Virgil spoke up. His body language was casual enough, leaning against the banister, so was his voice. But Janus's head shot up to look at Virgil like Virgil just said the worst cuss words in front of Patton. Why did Virgil say "reap"? Or is he so tired he meant "and weep", like "read it and weep"? Roman was staring at Virgil who he was sure was purposefully ignoring him.</p>
<p>Janus stared at Virgil, who maintained eye contact and nodded.</p>
<p>Janus knew that it was no slip of the tongue what Virgil called him. Before he declared himself Deceit but after he decided he couldn't be Repression anymore, Forethought would call him Reep. Even afterward, occasionally he'd hear the nickname. He looked at Remus, who looked so giddy and so nervous.</p>
<p>He opened the sketchbook and fanned through the pages until he hit a blank one. He opened it fully and turned the page back one. The memory bowled him over.</p>
<p><em>He remembers the fear that permeated the mindscape then the scream. He started running when one became two. He and Curiosity arrived at the same time, skidding to a stop to survey the scene. Morality stood above two unconscious children. Who were they?! He had never met them before and since they were all confined inside a person's head </em>how did they get here?</p>
<p><em>One of the children twitched, looking like he was waking up. He and Curiosity approached, seeing if Morality needed help and if he knew what was going on. The child blinked his eyes open, startling upon registering Morality standing above him. He wore what looked to be one of Imagination's favorite black t-shirts. The other child wore a white one, in fact, the still sleeping child looked like a bleached version of the awake one. His hair and skin were a tad lighter and now that Repression was really looking, he </em>looked <em>lighter. He was skinny.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>The child in black scrambled back from Morality, looking panicked and confused. They thought Morality would comfort the child but they were shocked when he advanced aggressively. They rushed forward but were beaten by Forethought who appeared in a blur from behind them to force Morality back, keeping a strong grip on his hand.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Forethought!" He yelled in chorus with an angry Morality.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"Get him out of here, Repression!" He didn't know when he started to see Forethought as having more authority than Morality in his short couple weeks of existence but he did know that he was glad he's been listening to Forethought. Morality looked like he was about to </em>harm a child. <em>Harm a part of </em>Thomas. </p>
<p>
  <em>"No! He's bad! He can't be here!" Morality yelled the angry tone echoing with a whine.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"C'mon, Creativity, we need to go." The title popped into his head and for a moment he didn't know where it came from. Then he made eye contact with Morality. He was scared. Morality, despite not being listened to as much as Curiosity was by Thomas, had a lot of power over the mindscape.  Repression was young, weak, and still vaguely tied to the side that created him. He was </em>terrified<em> of Morality at this moment.</em></p>
<p><em>"He's not Creativity! He is!" Curiosity had gone to pick up the still unconscious child, cradling him close. </em>Creativity<em>. Morality had been upset with Imagination and some of his ideas. Repression was receiving everything from Morality. He had been created directly from the other side to work for Morality, do his dirty work. Their direct connection had been weakening but it wasn't gone yet. Repression was slowly gaining his own function that would let him sever ties completely. Morality </em>pushed<em> and he was flooded with what he did. What he did to Imagination. He barely knew Imagination, he had been created not too long ago. Most of his existence bore witness to Morality and Imagination fighting. Morality was using him to offload his guilt so he could enjoy his newest creation.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>He glanced up to see Forethought's jaw clench as he registered the title. He was a smart side, he understood what had happened. He looked back down to the awake Creativity, desperately gripping Forethought's pants and staring at the other Creativity.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Creativity, dear, look at me." The child's gaze was slow to find his. "Honey, it's going to be alright, but I need you to come with me."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Go with Repression, Creativity. He can keep you safe." He felt so much appreciation and affection for Forethought. He was like a father--perhaps mentor would be better--to him, guiding him as he learned how to exist in the mindscape. Forethought stood up against Morality on his behalf a lot. He picked up Creativity and disappeared.</em>
</p>
<p>Janus looked at the drawing. It was him from what must have been Remus's point of view. He looked determined as his eyes were set on something off the page. He remembers picking Remus up, remembers using repression to <em>push</em> the two of them as far away as he could from Morality, confident that Forethought would be fine. A little arm was hooked around the back of his neck, the other lightly splayed on his neck. In a softly looping and elegant looking script that one would assume more fitting to Roman were the simple words 'Thank you, ReRe'. He hadn't chosen 'Deceit' until a little time after he took Remus away. Not wanting to tell Remus his old title since he was planning on changing it, he told him "Re".</p>
<p>"How?" Remus glanced away and he turned his gaze to Virgil.</p>
<p>"I told him. He was having a rough time." Something was subtly different with Virgil but he was attacked in a hug before he could think on it further.</p>
<p>He hugged Remus back, Virgil stepped forward, putting a hand on Remus's shoulder and they were suddenly in Virgil's room. "Roman looked like he was gearing up for questions." He explained.</p>
<p>Remus stepped back, looking a little teary-eyed.</p>
<p>Janus wasn't really sure why Remus was reacting so strongly. Janus basically raised him from that point on. But maybe he only just remembered the trauma of the split. The emotions are fresh and now he knows that the person that raised him, and the person that would later become like a brother, were the people to save him from whatever Morality was planning on doing to him.</p>
<p>He actually doesn't have that many strong memories from that era except for saving Remus. His memory goes a little fuzzy for a while. There's a brief period where he's aware he's gaining new responsibilities within Thomas some, he realized in shock, used to be <em>Morality's</em>. He remembers Anxiety coming to him for help and after pretty well. He's sad he doesn't remember much of Virgil as Forethought since the few memories he did have were...comforting. He has trouble seeing Virgil as anything but a little brother. Before this moment sometimes he would doubt whether Virgil had been anything besides Anxiety--he hid it so well. But ever since he and Remus were allowed into the light more, Virgil had been dropping hints.</p>
<p>Janus looked around Virgil's room, which was also slightly different. He couldn't quite place a finger on how.</p>
<p>Remus was still looking a little teary but not like he was about to cry. Janus pulled him back into another hug and did what he wanted to do in the living room, hug with all six arms. He didn't like having them out around Roman, Patton, or Logan all that much.</p>
<p>When they pulled away they both turned to Virgil but paused. He was looking to the side in thought, standing strangely still.</p>
<p>"Virgil?" Janus lifted a cautious hand, getting the eye-catching yellow in view. There was a flash in his eyes as they looked forward and at them again.</p>
<p>"I'm going to talk to Logan." As if he didn't hear the call. He was gone before either of the other two could say anything.</p>
<p>"That was weird right?" Remus asked.</p>
<p>A memory tickled his brain. A detail that was hovering just beyond awareness. That flash, he's seen it before. Not anytime recently though.</p>
<p>
  <em>He had left Remus asleep in his room as he sought out Forethought. He wanted to make sure Forethought had all of the information. Repression now held Morality's memories and rational about the event, something that made him feel ill. He hated being a living trash bin for Morality's unwanted emotions and memories. He hoped the direct connection snapped soon.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hey, Forethought?" He asked, knocking on the door frame. The beginnings of a mansion were being created, some of the lines were wonky as if it were a child's drawing come to life. He and Remus were not invited to move in and instead lived in a bare bone one-room square house in the middle of the woods.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Forethought was sitting on the floor (the mansion also did not have furniture so he wasn't salty about not having any himself) almost looking like he was meditating. From his profile view of the other side, his eyes were scanning back and forth like he was reading or watching a movie.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hello, Reep, everything alright?" How was it that a person that looked exactly like him also looked so much more grown-up?</em>
</p>
<p><em>Forethought's eye flashed as he looked at Repression from the corner of it before his attention was pulled away to whatever thing only he could see in front of him. Repression didn't fully know what Forethought really </em>did<em>. He generally just seemed to be the guy you go to if you need help.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"Yeah me and Cree are doing okay." They had taken to calling their Creativity "Cree" and the other "Tiv" ("Tee" seemed too easily misheard). Forethought continued to scan the air. "I can...uh, I can come by later if you're busy...?" He pointed over his shoulder even though the other wasn't looking at him.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"No, no, stay. Sorry," His eyes flashed twice, once when he looked at Repression and again when he looked away. "Just give me a second, I'm almost done." Repression settled against the door frame. Forethought continued, he scowled at whatever he saw, a frown deepening the longer he looked. Finally, a few minutes later he blinked, a light flashed in his eyes, this time fading away slowly, like an afterimage. He looked towards Repression, fully present this time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"What were you doing?" Repression tilted his head.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A mischievous smile that he had been surprised by the first time he saw it weeks ago grew across Forethought's face. He leaned towards Repression from his seat on the floor and whispered like it was a great secret, "Seeing the future."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Repression huffed, rolling his eyes at the dramatics. "But no seriously, what were you doing?"</em>
</p>
<p><em>Forethought didn't look put out by Repression not playing along. He stood up, slinging an arm around Repression and directing them towards the woods. "Seriously, I was seeing the future." Repression waited. "Okay, technically not </em>the <em>future but possible ones."</em></p>
<p>
  <em>"You're serious?" Repression asked flatly.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"Yup! What did you think </em>Forethought <em>did?"</em></p>
<p><em>Honestly, he wasn't sure. He supposed the name was obvious enough but that didn't really tell him what Forethought </em>the side <em>did for Thomas. He shrugged.</em></p>
<p>"Mindscape to Janus, come in, Janus." He blinked back to himself to Remus waving a rather large knife in his face. Once he registered that fact he jerked his head back and slapped Remus's hand away. "Man, what has gotten into you guys."</p>
<p>"I was just remembering something," Janus mumbled as he brushed off his shirt.</p>
<p>"Was it about that weird eye flash Virgy did?"</p>
<p>Janus raised an eyebrow, "Yes, actually. Nothing specific but it's related to Forethought. He told me he was seeing the future." Remus hummed as he looked at the door as if Virgil had actually walked out of the room instead of just disappearing.</p>
<p>At some point, after Forethought joined them as Anxiety they all picked up the habit of just...appearing. They no longer had to sink into the ground. He frowned as he tried to remember how they figured it out and why. He still rose up in the real world because, so far, he's been imitating the others. He definitely got the rise wrong when he was Logan. He needed to practice.</p>
<p>"What are you thinking about <em>now</em>," Remus whined.</p>
<p>Janus flapped a hand at him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>But of course, he explained anyway. </p>
<p>Hopefully, Janus's POV helped a bit. If there's still confusion feel free to let me know so I know what I need to add in either this fic or its supplementary companion.</p>
<p>So I started typing out explanations but decided that it was too long for an endnote. So if you notice there's another fic in the series that's an explanatory fic basically. It has no plot it's just me explaining certain relationships and timelines.</p>
<p>That will be out later as I'm balancing between explanatory and spoilery. It might not come out until the chapters here are far enough along that I don't feel that I'm spoiling anything. </p>
<p>Thanks for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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